Long overdue update

I retired at 44.  I was able to quit working a few months ago. I tried working full time again after unmanageable chronic pain, prescription drug addiction, and rehab.  I pushed myself way beyond what I thought I was capable of and then came to the point where I just couldn’t do it anymore.  I gave notice in January that I was going to resign.  B and I decided that my health was only getting worse and I felt the right thing to do was just quit.  We were going to lose the family health and dental benefits, but B was offered them with his job, although at three times the cost and 10 times the deductible!  I took the plunge and gave notice anyway.  Things were that bad.  Then the rep in HR asked me, “Why aren’t you applying for retirement disability?”  HUH?  I didn’t know there was anything like that!  She actually said I couldn’t quit and had to keep working until it got approved.

So I worked on the paperwork for a while and when submitted it mid-March and it was approved within 10 days, instead of the 4-6 weeks I was told.  Hallelujia!!  Things went even faster after that and HR told me the next day was my last day at work!  Yikes!  I delegated really fast.  It was hard to leave so quickly from a job I had for over 9 years.  I was at the hospital for almost 17 years.  Usually 30 years is necessary for retirement, but disability retirement lets me draw on it now and although it’s not enough to live on, it pays for the continuation of our previous health and dental benefits and a few hundred a month coming in.  So far we are doing ok on the reduced family income.

I spent the first month as a retiree laying around and in bed and going to extra AA meetings.  After about 5 weeks I finally felt myself coming out of the fog.  Good thing, because that’s about when school got out!  My first summer as a stay at home mom! No expensive Y camp anymore, the kids are hanging with mom! They weren’t too keen on that idea at first, but we’ve enjoyed time together. Once school got out, we got really busy and I’m having a hard time remembering to rest.  But it’s going well and being able to retire early was a real blessing.

We went to my dad’s near Myrtle Beach last week for three days and it was great to have the freedom to do that!

Time for a Change

I have been waiting to post, thinking things would get better, but returning to work full time has been challenging. I really don’t know what to do about it. It will really affect my family if i am not able to work – but I don’t feel I am able to work. There. I said it.

But I still need to go to work, bring home a paycheck and maintain medical and dental benefits for the family. It would be much more expensive with my husband’s employer and they have a huge deductible. Oh, there are so many excuses and things that circle around in my head! Make them stop!!!

The fibro fog has been horrible this week! I side-swiped a trash can on the way to work and it took a chunk of my side mirror.

I have been crying most of the afternoon. I am really having trouble functioning in this life that I am supposed to be living. I will cling to the hope and knowledge that this, too, shall pass. I certainly hope so.

Next day:
I feel better today physically. I will survive.
I met with my counselor today and she suggested looking for an easier job, one that won’t be as stressful and hard on me. I need a job for which I’m overqualified. Hopefully one that pays more than it should as well.

To be every petal of who we are…

I’ve got to share one of my favorite bloggers, Corey in Provence.  I’m quoting her in my title.  To be every petal of who we are.  I could ponder on that for a while.  There are so many petals.  Some are browning on the edges, wilting.  Some small tender ones are hidden beneath the others so that no one even knows they are there.  Then the task is to work our way through them, viewing from all angles in order to enjoy its full beauty.

http://willows95988.typepad.com/tongue_cheek/2010/03/truly-madly-deeply.html

Here Comes Peter Cottontail

My almost 7 yr old daughter was playing in her room and found some fuzzy bunny ears on a headband.  She announced she was the Easter Bunny and was hopping through the whole house until she pooped out and fell on the couch. It really is a workout hopping with your hands held up in front of you like rabbit paws.

Me: You know, if you were the Easter Bunny, I would only feed you carrots…and with no dip! [Ranch dressing].  
LC: If I were the Easter Bunny, you would ask me for chocolate eggs!

ooh, yeah, she’s got me figured out.