It wasn’t really a vacation, more like leave without pay. But I went to rehab for six weeks. I wasn’t living on the street smoking crack, but it was just as dangerous. I was on so many presciptions that I could hardly function. I had/have major physical issues and every time I’d go to the doctor (surgeon, family doc, psych, then pain mgmt clinic) they’d give me a new prescription or switch one out for another. And every time you switch one of those major meds, there are big side effects. Many of those were of the class that affects your brain chemistry, like SSRI’s and SNRI’s. When you’re switching off and on those types of meds, it MESSES WITH YOUR BRAIN!! So yeah, I got kinda wacky there. Luckily, my family stepped in and suggested I go to a hospital and get help in getting off all of them.
Interestingly (now), I saw my surgeon back in the Spring and when I asked him about what my future was going to look like, he said when he has patients that are on tons of medications and not getting any better – sometimes it’s best to get off all of those meds. I said WHAT??? I couldn’t possibly do that – I had real pain! Little did I know that I’d soon be doing just that.
I feel like I got my life back at Willingway. I met wonderful people. I did hard stuff. I got through it and learned I was strong. Much stronger than I thought. I learned I wasn’t in control. I wasn’t able to do a very good job of that and I didn’t have to!
I’ve been home about 3 weeks. Returning to the real world has been an adjustment but it’s been a happy reunion. I went back to work last week, only half time. I’m gonna do that for a while so as to not stress myself too much physically. I have good days and bad days. That’s ok because I’m present in my life now.
Today I picked up a black chip and it felt great. ; )
bluemoongirl's musings 